Private Tears

WARNING - The following post takes a break from the normal day to day documentation of my trip. Enter at your own risk...


As some of you may know, I am a pretty emotional person. My principal jokes that she is more of a man than I am! Luckily, the group that I am working with in Africa does not know this about me. I am able to come across as a pretty level headed person. On the inside, I am a hurricane! My eyes water from joy, awe, excitement, sadness, brokenness and compassion for the people, sights, sounds and experiences in my daily life here. And I have only been here for 1 week!

This weekend we went to the Kuti Wildlife Reserve, which is about 2 1/2 hours from Nkope Village, where I am living. We headed out on Friday at about 1:30 in the afternoon. After all eight of us squeezed into our minibus, along with tents, backpacks, sleeping bags, food and a spare "tire", we started rolling down the pitted dirt roads of Malawi.

Could not get a picture that wasn't blurry, due to those fun Malawi roads!

The beginning of the trip started with jovial conversations and selfies (mostly just me), but as time moved on, the van grew quieter as people retreated to their books, journals and thoughts. Mine, almost like clock work, turned to reflection.


Several people joked that I would come home with a group of kids in tow. At the time I found it amusing. Now, I see the reality in the feeling. I had no idea how much I would look into the eyes of each individual person I encounter here. I had no idea how uniquely I would see each of them. Before I left, the images I made had no faces. Now they do.  They are kind, excited, hopeful, shy, funny, sneaky, friendly, scared, apprehensive and proud.

Their lives are COMPLETELY different from mine, but we share so many feelings and desires. I don't feel sorry for them, like I thought I would. I am in awe of their life style. Their work ethic, the way they value community, their resourcefulness and their pride for who they are.

As I'm having these thoughts, driving down the rough dirt rode, I come to realize that my face is covered in tears. I look around, self-conciously, to realize that no one is even aware of my private tear moment. I am relieved, but I also find it a bit humorous.

My point is that I am so blessed to have this opportunity to change my paradigm entirely. I might have some incidental impact on the people of Nkope, but they most definitely will change me and my small thinking. Our world is so large and there are so many things that we just don't understand. We pretend to be in control and have all of the answers, but we do not.