The Reality of Culture

WARNING - This is a head post. Some of its content may unintentionally be off putting, but stick with it! None of it is intended to be hurtful or disrespectful.

This weekend we have stayed close to home, but this evening we drove to a lodge to have dinner. During dinner our conversation turned to the culture of Nkope. Augustine, who happens to be the only Malawian in the group was explaining that women in the village are afraid to speak up to their husbands about getting checked for HIV. The women are required by law to be checked before they give birth, but there is no law requiring men be checked.

One of the volunteers was appalled at the notion and declared "The women need to be empowered to say something!" The conversation continued on with everyone trying to convince the volunteer that no outside source is going to convince a woman to act in a way that conflicts with her culture.

I am a very vocal person, but I sat back and observed this exchange. The initial volunteer was adamant that we could do something to empower women and their rights .he rest argued that the change must come from within.

Finally, the topic died down and they began to discuss their biggest surprises of their experience in Nkope. A lot of the responses were fairly surface level things, such as how the schools run, the traditions of the village etc. I wasn't really thinking about my own response as I listened to each person talk about their experience.

When it cam my turn to share I paused for a bit. And then I shared my biggest ahah of my time in Nkope thus far:

The world is a big place. I never realized how big it really is. The culture of Malawi is and was beyond shocking to me, it was baffling. Then I realized that there are thousands of cultures that differ just as much, if not more than mine.

There are things that I wish I could take home with me and pass on to my community, but I know that it wouldn't fit the culture that I live in. I know that the people of Nkope have such a great understanding of community. They are never in their houses. They are always outside their houses, around bonfires, talking, telling stories and appreciating each other to the fullest. They know that they need to cherish the people around them, because they rely on them each day.

These are things that I admire, but because of the busy nature of my culture and the family isolation that I see in my world, it is not reasonable to think that I could somehow bring that home with me. The same thing relates to things that I think I bring to Nkope.

I don't like how children and women are looked at as less.

I don't like how little education seems to be valued.

I am disturbed by the lack of commitment to being on time for anything.

But there is nothing that I'm going to do to change that. These are constructs that this culture has built and it is a part of who they are. Until the people as a whole decide that they want something different, it will not change. And that is not a bad thing. The people in Nkope are happy people. They walk down to a beautiful lake every morning and bathe and do their washing as the sun comes up. During their lunch break they can come back to that same lake for a quick swim and fishing. They eat porridge for lunch and Nsima for lunch almost every day, and they like it! They say it makes them strong!

Until the people of Nkope decide that its important for women to have more of a voice in the home, it will remain as it is. Until laws are passed that say a man must be tested for HIV, then they will continue to refuse (These are obviously generalizations). That is the reality of culture! Nobody likes to see people dying when there's something that can be done about it and we can continue to provide resources and education on the issue, but we are not going to empower the women of Nkope to rise up and take a more aggressive approach in the home and that is OK.

I've got news for you. We do things that are killing us and our brains every day.

We over eat. We live sedentary life styles.

We watch hours of television.

We eat too much fast food.

We play violent video games and watch violent and vulgar movies.


These things are not good for us, but we all want the right to do them. None of the things listed above are an issue in Nkope, should they send a team of people to America to change the way we live our lives? Or should the community of people recognize the issues and address them as a culture (Again, generalizing!)

Most of the people that I am working with are quite young. Half of them are under the age of 23. I think they really want to believe that they are changing the world, which in a small but meaningful way they are. But I told them that I don't think we're here to change the world. I think we're here to change our thinking about the world and how it works. And the way that people work. I told them that I think they should look at ways that they have changed because of this experience.

Anyway, on the 30 minute drive back to Nkope I thought about how significant those words are to me and I decided I wanted to share them. My friends and family are the most important thing to me and in no way do I devalue my life at home with these thoughts. It is simply a way for me to face the hard truth about culture and that is that it is as much a part of a person as their DNA. I love you all and cannot wait to see you again!